this entry is long overdue, but better late than never, i say.
this nike women’s marathon (nwm) was the 5th marathon i’ve run. i can’t believe it actually. it sounds like i’m some hard core marathoner, but honestly i’m not. and i wonder what it is that keeps me coming back for more. my friends can attest to this, that after pretty much each marathon i vow that i will never run another marathon again and yet i still keep coming back. i said the same thing after this one too, on the shuttle bus back to union square, my friend, christine, even recorded me, with index finger pointed and all, saying i would never ever ever run another marathon again. but since then, even that night, i was contemplating about future races in my delirium. this race was especially hard. there were definitely more hills. plus the rain…and the cold…and the fact that this marathon was combined with a half marathon made it that much harder for me, particularly at around mile 12 (i call it the bitter 12) where we split from the half-ers.
the start of the race was pretty awesome though. after we checked our bags in, our group of runners split up by pace groups. four were running the half and three of us were running the full. christine and i were together with the 12:00min/mile pace group. union square was pa-acked. it was kinda freaky how packed it was, but also pretty neat. i love running out on the streets without having to worry about cars possibly hitting you. christine and i waited for a while with the periodic “oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh” (taken from the double rainbow guy). everyone was just waiting esp our pace group cuz we were one of the last groups to go. we passed the start line about 25-27 minutes after the actual start of the race. regardless, it felt great. that’s the best part of it all the beginning of the race..when you have the most energy and your adrenaline is flowing. but then you get into it and now have to start focusing on what you need to do and just pacing yourself. cuz of all the runners, we couldn’t get that close to the pacer, but she was holding a tall sign so we kept an eye on her for most of the first half.
the first half was beautiful and scenic. the best part of the race. there were hills throughout that first half..more than i expected. i adopted a “briskly walk up the hill instead of run” method when an uphill came and then try to catch up on the downhill. so, we started at union square and then ran to embarcadero and all the way up towards the golden gate bridge. we didn’t run on the bridge itself but past it. i kind of remember the bridge, but not really. it was all just really nice and i felt really good.
by 10 or 11, i think i was winded from some of the inclines, but doing ok. it was bitter 12 when i first lost it and just felt really really tired and kinda defeated. when we split from the half marathoners, i was like, “oh my goodness, i have to do this all over again while those guys are done!” christine and i had stayed together for the first half, but this is when i started to lag behind cuz i was tired. plus i think because i drank so much coffee and not enough water the days leading up to the marathon, i was cramping here and there… at the start of the race, i had minor cramps on my side, so i just pursed my lips and breathed in and out and felt fine. but as the race continued because of the lack of water and also, i think, due to the cold weather, my calves were super tight and starting to twitch. i think the same thing happened to christine cuz she had to stop and stretch her calves early on. i started to do that around mile 9 or 10, i think.
anyway, back to bitter 12, i started to run slower and i motioned to christine to just keep going cuz i didn’t want to slow her down. i took some GU and some water and some gatorade and just kept at it. my energy started coming back around mile 14 or 15. we were still running inside golden gate park, but i was starting to feel a bit better, so i kept going and just kept trying to think of other things, repeat various things to myself, and run to the beat of the music. i also started counting down the miles. so like at mile 14 i told myself i just had 12 to go, then 11 and so on.
i think it was around mile 16 when we left the park and there was a transition time to the great highway. my calves were super tight again and twitching, so i tried to hold onto this railing and stretch out my calves, but the railing had no backing and just moved towards some spectators watching while i was trying to lean into it, so i just let go and kept running. this is when i started tearing up because i didn’t get to stretch my calves, cuz i’m dramatic like that and was feeling defeated again. but the open air and the straightaway of the great highway was kind of nice. the not nice part was being on my 16th/17th mile, while the people on the other side running in the opposite were on miles 23/24. so i just looked down and ran. i tried not to look up unless there was a water/gatorade station coming up.
this is when i started repeating the following to myself:
be patient. be patient. pain is temporary. regret is forever (remembering how i wish i had pushed more in the previous marathon). this isn’t difficult. jesus dying on the cross was difficult. (then thought about jesus hanging there on the cross and trying to really contemplate that, but not being able to focus). Lord, help me. Lord, help me…
i wasn’t in any immediate pain. i was tired, but my calves were ok. i was just being really impatient and wanted it to be over. it was this total mental battle and i was losing it. oh and it was raining. it had started to rain at the beginning of the second half of the marathon. i had my visor on so i was totally fine. long ago, i was running at venice beach and it was drizzling. i didn’t have a visor and it was the most annoying thing to run without one. so now i run with a visor. anyway…
i made it to the end of that portion of the great highway, which didn’t end up being as bad as i thought, but then we had to go around lake merced. i didn’t realize how long this was. i was calculating in my head, but i didn’t want to believe it. lake merced was pretty rough. not very scenic, the portion of the street that we had to run on was slanted, so i felt like it took extra energy to push yourself laterally and forward. i think these were miles 19 to 22 or something and they were pretty awful.
as i was running around lake merced, there were a couple of things i was thinking about. everyone around me probably felt the same way i did. or at least they looked as bad as i felt. i was thinking i could walk the rest of this marathon and just finish. but the regret i had from the previous marathon was that i wish i had pushed myself more and i really wanted to be that person that pushes herself more and to shoot for a better time. plus the faster i go, the sooner i’ll be done. so that pushed me to run instead of walk. i kept just telling myself “push push push”.
once we got back to the great highway for miles 23 and on, i felt more hopeful. i only had 3 miles left. i’ve done 3 miles countless amounts of times and i can do this! i initially set out to run the last 3 miles with pride and glory (in myself), but as i ran and ran and i couldn’t see the finish line, i slowed down and walked for brief stints. it was SO mental and i was losing it again. i was so close! and the thought again was that i could just walk this and finish, but i wanted to push myself more. anyway, i ran and walked those last 3 miles. when i saw the finish line, i started running faster and then i realized that it’s still kinda far and there were these large puddles of water, so i wanted to make sure i didn’t slip. my shoes were completely drenched at this point so i just ran through and finished.
there was a brief moment before the finish line when i raised my arms (cuz swan told us to), but after finishing, i was just so relieved and spent i just walked through. it was SO great to see christine waiting for me and experiencing the joy of finishing together. she was sick going into the marathon and had a nagging cough, but the Lord carried her through and she did great! cuz of the weather and cuz i think most ppl did the half marathon, there were hardly any lines for anything. so we got a bunch of freebies without having to wait. the only thing was that we were freezing. we didn’t get those foil blankets at the finish and we were drenched. but we made it onto the shuttle and made it back to the hotel.
one of the best moments was that shuttle bus ride back, just sitting in somewhere warm and dry, reading and sending texts with friends, and just having that awesome feeling of finishing the race. it was even better just to get back to the hotel and clean up and meet up with everyone else.
that’s the thing with the marathon. time waits for no one. i knew that it would be over before i even knew it. you wake up that morning in anticipation and that same night you go to sleep having finished a marathon. wow. so i wanted to try to make the most of it. but it’s just those moments of mental defeat and fatigue that were so difficult. that’s why i both love the marathon and hate it. and i guess that’s what makes it so great..because you become so broken, so weak and defeated, but then you get through it. by the grace of God, you get through it and that experience is like none other.
during the race, i was thinking of hebrews 12:1-3, but all i could remember was “run with endurance”. i love this verse. it’s my life verse and so perfectly describes the great marathon, that is, the Christian life.
“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
